My life changed with this simple message
Twenty five plus years ago I was trying to sleep… More like crying myself to sleep as I did many nights. I had just got off the phone with my boyfriend who told me very strongly that although he’d promised to come home that night.. Easter Eve… he wouldn’t be coming home. He was partying. Drinking. Playing music. It was 2 am and I was pissed. I couldn’t believe it and I certainly couldn’t sleep.
I sat in the dark crying while my 1 year old son slept on the floor beside me. I didn’t want to wake him up. It was his first Easter the next day and I’d hoped for a family day. That wasn’t going to happen now and my heart was broken. My head started the crazy cycle it always did…
- What’s wrong with me?
- Why doesn’t he love me enough to come home?
- Why does he always ruin everything?
- Why can’t he just be a normal guy?
- Why do I keep doing this?
- When will it stop?
Those were the questions and the poor me conversation in my head. Man I gave him a lot of power. But at the time I didn’t know it. I was so sad and distraught. Self worth at the lowest it had ever been. This had happened so many times but I thought now that we had a son it would change. WRONG!!
So I turned on the radio to take my mind off my “problem”. Dr. Laura Schlesinger was on. I’d never heard of her but she was a psychologist taking questions on the air. I called her and got right in.
As I waited on the line, eyes swollen and labored breathing from crying for the last hour, I thought about what I would say.. what my question really was. When she got on the line, I told her my story.
“I’m 19 years old. I have a one year old son and my boyfriend isn’t here. He just called me to tell me that he isn’t coming home (AGAIN) because he would rather play music, hang with his friends and drink than spend time with his son and I. He breaks promises all the time. I don’t know what is wrong with me, I have tried everything to get him to” …. and she interrupted me.
“Sunny!” she said harshly, “There are two types of men in the world. The kind of men that want families, and the kind of men that don’t. It sounds to me like you have one that doesn’t!”
AND
SHE
HUNG
UP
ON
ME!!!!!!!
I was devastated and infuriated all at the same time. I tried calling back for the next two hours, to tell her how rude, unprofessional, and shitty she was…. and of course, I didn’t get through. I cried all night. What she said was true…
and I HATED that TRUTH!!!!
Especially the way she shared it…
Two days later, I got over myself. Got over the anger, and realized..
She was right!!!!!!!!
There are many things I don’t agree with Dr. Laura about, but this one.. SAVED MY LIFE…
Two days after that, with very little money, a LOT OF FEAR, a handful of material items and a little bit of self esteem, my son and I moved out.
What I learned in this experience : I learned that sometimes, you need to hear it harshly. Sometimes, you know it within and you need someone to shine a light in a different way, with different words, with a different tone, outside of your head.. Sometimes you need to be shocked into the truth.
SOMETIMES!!!!!!
Not always!
I prefer the loving gentle kinder way…. YET, on that life changing night, my miracle came in the form of a harsh, strong and opinionated woman… and I NEEDED her! Thanks you Dr. Laura for your perfect words at the perfect time:) – Blessings SDJ♥
I’d love to hear about a time in your life when someones words changed the course of your life.. It’s all divine isn’t it? What do you think? Please share in the comments below – SDJ♥
Hey my friend, hit the share button below if you liked this blog too. Thanks ♥
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7 thoughts on “My life changed with this simple message”
Dearest Sunny, while I largely agree with what you say, I don’t feel like it’s absolute truth. There is such a thing as violence and abuse in life and not everyone has the resources and physical capability to dramatically change their situation… their environment. I think we have to be careful with these teachings because they can have a tendency to create a lack of compassion and understanding for those who are less fortunate, and that includes myself. I feel it’s important to teach a balance of compassion and empowerment. Not everyone is completely responsible for their unhappiness… there is such a thing as conditioning… there are external circumstances and people who can greatly affect a life…some of those things are poverty and violence and war. It takes a lot of work and support to change a traumatized mind and to heal a traumatized body. Thanks for listening. Much love to you and all the good you’re doing.
I appreciate your point of view my friend.. And Yes, I agree compassion is a must!
I enjoy reading your posts as I can resonate with them. The last two years I went out with a guy who clearly didn’t want a family life yet I intentionally hung in there thinking he would change……..Total bullshit. I don’t blame him because he was who he has always been and me, I was trying to fit him into Vicki’s world. Great awareness for me and this post just hit home. Love and hugs always for all the sharing you do and very blessed and grateful!!!
I just shared with another. You may wish to consider that sometimes, a relationship may have run its course. That it was meant to help you learn something. The young lady , is seperated from the father of her baby. She feels , that he will not open up. He interacts with their little girl, lovingly. The problem is the way , he treats her , the mom/wife. I expressed to her , that how he has treated her, was partly based on how she taught him, it was ok. The challenge now, is to search deep within herself, if she is willing to invest more time and Love , in helping his unlearning this behavior. The other big challenge, if HE , chooses to unlearn this behavior. If she chooses to hang in there, then she may be miserable for a long time. Its up to HER, if she feels she wants to be truly Loved. IF she feels, she is deserving of a Loving partnership. Herself first, but, also to help her daughter learn what is a Loving relationship. But, she can not force him, as how he has to decide for himself. IF he feels, he wishes to learn what is a Loving relationship. I can only imagine,what it is like as a Mom, to be faced with this dilemna. But, like I keep reminding her, WHO IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN HER LIFE.
Did not realize at the time that what was being told to me would have helped me. Your story reminded me of moments in my life, Sunny. So glad I learned to go within and listen to the truth and messages I kept receiving, so I would finally move in the direction that would bring me peace and true happiness. Now I have the song within that has me dancing down the yellow brick road with protective and loving people, and helping them has helped me, too. We all have courage, a heart, and a brain.
Great reminder… we don’t always like what we hear…but if we can remain open long enough to let the truth seep in…we can move forward in a new and different direction! And isn’t that what we are truly wanting when we are crying in our beer?
absolutely:)