Twenty five plus years ago I was trying to sleep… More like crying myself to sleep as I did many nights. I had just got off the phone with my boyfriend who told me very strongly that although he’d promised to come home that night.. Easter Eve… he wouldn’t be coming home. He was partying. Drinking. Playing music. It was 2 am and I was pissed. I couldn’t believe it and I certainly couldn’t sleep.
I sat in the dark crying while my 1 year old son slept on the floor beside me. I didn’t want to wake him up. It was his first Easter the next day and I’d hoped for a family day. That wasn’t going to happen now and my heart was broken. My head started the crazy cycle it always did…
- What’s wrong with me?
- Why doesn’t he love me enough to come home?
- Why does he always ruin everything?
- Why can’t he just be a normal guy?
- Why do I keep doing this?
- When will it stop?
Those were the questions and the poor me conversation in my head. Man I gave him a lot of power. But at the time I didn’t know it. I was so sad and distraught. Self worth at the lowest it had ever been. This had happened so many times but I thought now that we had a son it would change. WRONG!!
So I turned on the radio to take my mind off my “problem”. Dr. Laura Schlesinger was on. I’d never heard of her but she was a psychologist taking questions on the air. I called her and got right in.
As I waited on the line, eyes swollen and labored breathing from crying for the last hour, I thought about what I would say.. what my question really was. When she got on the line, I told her my story.
“I’m 19 years old. I have a one year old son and my boyfriend isn’t here. He just called me to tell me that he isn’t coming home (AGAIN) because he would rather play music, hang with his friends and drink than spend time with his son and I. He breaks promises all the time. I don’t know what is wrong with me, I have tried everything to get him to” …. and she interrupted me.
“Sunny!” she said harshly, “There are two types of men in the world. The kind of men that want families, and the kind of men that don’t. It sounds to me like you have one that doesn’t!”
I was devastated and infuriated all at the same time. I tried calling back for the next two hours, to tell her how rude, unprofessional, and shitty she was…. and of course, I didn’t get through. I cried all night. What she said was true…
and I HATED that TRUTH!!!!
Especially the way she shared it…
Two days later, I got over myself. Got over the anger, and realized..
She was right!!!!!!!!
There are many things I don’t agree with Dr. Laura about, but this one.. SAVED MY LIFE…
Two days after that, with very little money, a LOT OF FEAR, a handful of material items and a little bit of self esteem, my son and I moved out.
What I learned in this experience : I learned that sometimes, you need to hear it harshly. Sometimes, you know it within and you need someone to shine a light in a different way, with different words, with a different tone, outside of your head.. Sometimes you need to be shocked into the truth.
I prefer the loving gentle kinder way…. YET, on that life changing night, my miracle came in the form of a harsh, strong and opinionated woman… and I NEEDED her! Thanks you Dr. Laura for your perfect words at the perfect time:) – Blessings SDJ♥
I’d love to hear about a time in your life when someones words changed the course of your life.. It’s all divine isn’t it? What do you think? Please share in the comments below – SDJ♥
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