Please hear what I am not saying - Sunny Dawn Johnston

Please hear what I am not saying

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This is one of my favorite poems. If you have attended a retreat or certification course with me, you have likely heard this. I think it speaks to us all in different ways. Maybe you can relate to it from a time years and years ago. Maybe it applies right now. Just thought I would share…and remind you.. I HEAR YOU!! If you need help and support, reach out and allow it in my friends. You have to ask … in order to receive:) all my love – ♥SDJ
Please Hear What I’m Not Saying
By Charles C. Finn
Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I’m afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me,
but don’t be fooled.
For God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command,
and that I need no one.
But don’t believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated façade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope and I know it.
That is, if it’s followed by acceptance,
if it’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me of what I can’t assure myself,
that I’m really worth something.
But I don’t tell you this. I don’t care. I’m afraid to.
I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh,
and your laugh would kill me.
I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing, that I’m just no good,
and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that’s really nothing,
and nothing of what’s everything,
of what’s crying within me.
So when I’m going through my routine,
do not be fooled by what I’m saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying,
what I’d like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can’t say.
I don’t like to hide.
I don’t like to play superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,
but you’ve got to help me.
You’ve got to hold out your hand
even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you’re kind and gentle and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings,
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breath life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator – a honest-to-God creator –
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic and uncertainty,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to. Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It’s irrational, but despite what the books say about man,
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls,
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands
but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.
How does this fit for you? I’d love to hear your comments. Please share below – SDJ
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6 thoughts on “Please hear what I am not saying”

  1. This really spoke me actually. We learn to hide things that the world doesn’t really want to see and is not comfortable with at the same time it is the very things we hide that makes us who we are today and are on way of becoming. Thank you Sunny for posting this, it really touched me!

  2. That is very powerful and very sad, dredging up very painful thoughts of having put on the mask at a very young age so no one would know the abuse that went on behind closed doors.

  3. Love, love, love this. And, when you read it, pausing in the appropriate places to allow the words to sink in…the meaning really hits home. Thank you for connecting with so many souls.

  4. Wow, that truly gave me the chills! I believe it is true to my core. Masks are invented so we can get through that day and it is rare to set that mask down. It is also very difficult to find a true friend that will support you even in your down times. I have never read that poem before and it is powerful. Thank you for sharing, Sunny.

  5. Wow….it’s a perfect description of many of my friends and myself. It really takes courage to be a human being. I wish more people were taught from birth, how to move through this adventure.

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