I LOVED my kids... BUT being A Mom Wasn't Enough - Sunny Dawn Johnston

I LOVED my kids… BUT being A Mom Wasn't Enough

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When I first had children, they were my whole world…. literally..
MY
WHOLE
WORLD
My life revolved around being a mother. I did the best I could with what I knew at the time, but man, as my son got older, it got tougher. I was worn out from the daily battles… but, I was a “good mom”.

  • I was the stay at home mom
  • the mom that picked up everyone elses kids up and watched them until late in the evening
  • the mom that made sure all the homework was done every night, perfectly (to his detriment)
  • the mom that packed the healthy meals (that he hated)
  • the mom that never let him out of her sight (what might happen)
  • the homeroom mom
  • the fundraising chairperson
  • the mom that walked him to school and home, everyday, without exception (even when he was old enough to do it himself)
  • the mom that kept him in line (again to the detriment of his spirit)

I was the good mom.. I did everything I thought a “good mom” was “suppose” to do. But I forgot about ME!
AND… we were both miserable
My second son arrived and on top of everything stated above, I became an even more dedicated mom. I now had 2 kids. 7 1/2 years apart. I became more controlling, more obsessed. Now the two of them were my WHOLE world. Not a healthy thing…. but i just didn’t know it yet. I had no world without my identity as a mother…. and we were all suffering.
I was suffering from lack of passion and purpose. I knew I was a “good mom” cuz everyone told me so, but I felt like I had lost me.
My husband was suffering by being the middle man. I wanted help from him, but only my way. If he did too much, I didn’t feel like a “good mom”. If he did too little, I resented him. He couldn’t win.
Crew, my oldest son was suffering because he was always being controlled. I was so afraid of what might happen if i didn’t watch him every second that he had no freedom… and he needed it.
Arizona, my youngest son was suffering from witnessing all of the fighting, arguing and tears. It certainly affected him as well.
Finally… with a HUGE AHA... life changed – I could LOVE my kids.. and LOVE myself.. Do things for my kids and do things for ME. A WIN WIN.
I hope you enjoyed the video and the images below – SDJ♥
 

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Hey my friend, hit the share button below if you liked this video. I’d also love to hear your thoughts. How has parenting been for you? What do you think? Please share in the comments below – SDJ♥

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9 thoughts on “I LOVED my kids… BUT being A Mom Wasn't Enough”

  1. I needed this this last 2 weeks. I feel guilty every time I go and do some thing for me for more than a day. I am also called to be of service to the world. I also thought at a young age when I realized college wasn’t for me. So I decided getting married and having kids was going to be my life’s purpose.
    I have been happy most of the time, however I had lost my identity. I felt like who am I and became resentful that I made the decision to be a stay at home mom who forgot most of her computer skills.
    I am finding myself and teaching my boys, We are always learning and improving and evolving in our lives. I believe that all the new things learn, I can teach them and others. I am so grateful for you showing up for us Moms and giving us the courage to be more!
    Thank you Sunny

  2. Both my boys are adults . James 31, Michael 27. Parenting was very challenging for me, often I had little support financially, with James for sure, and Michael emotional support from my 2nd Spouse. There was dysfunction, we did seek counseling as a family and church. My oldest James was a very angry teen..he was dx ADHD. Of course I his mother was DX Bipolar 2 years after his birth, I was on Lithium most my adult life.
    Counseling too. I can identify Sunny so much with what you shared about your son..ect. I know much of James’ issues was MINE…I feel responsible too because James’ natural father sort of abandoned him, and I promised the grandparents they were always welcome in our lives. That part was good. I did my best to tell James, his natural father loved him, but he, the father, did not love himself enough to step up to the plate and give up the partying. I felt like I had to be mom and dad. Balance everything alone myself. Heavy weight. I remarried we had Michael as “our” son, then it seemed more challenging. Our family was dysfunctional from get go to be honest. Yet today in spite of it all both boys and I are close. I always hear from them I was the best mom..and they reminded me how I used to play with them in a fallow wheat field..stories I read, teaching them to drive..and making sure they sent out thank you notes to grandparents ..ect at holidays. I can say I taught them to “listen to their gut’…their heart.. be true, kind, honest and most of all do their very best. After reading your “share”..i realized so much..yet I am so very grateful as I know all is as it should be..and what I need the most ..is more Self Love. Yes I so remember all the events and Christmas Programs, School Funds..I tried to be Perfect..Often that shows our children..not the healthiest way to be..or think. I love my boys so very much, they have and still are teaching me…more about me…and life . Isn’t that great? I am so open..always..more so now than ever. Our children sure can teach us big lessons! I am so very Blessed . There is a beautiful read by Kahlil Gibran..about our children..I so now understand that message today. Speak to us of Children….. love you Sunny!

    1. Sounds like you did a great job:) Your kids show/tell you that everyday.
      Yes, I love Gibrans message;)

  3. Linda Bartlett

    This is what I needed to hear today. Sunny, you are such a true blessing! Thank you for being you and helping me to be me. I love you!

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