How to Say No in a Loving Way … It is Possible!
The late Steve Jobs once said: “Focus is about saying no.”
Over-committing to others often ends up with you supporting them and taking you away from your focus, pulling you away from what it is you truly desire. This is not good for anyone. It’s not good for your career, your relationships and most importantly, it’s not good for your SOUL. This is a people-pleaser’s disease that will cause stress, burnout, overwhelment and sometimes even more serious physical diseases.
It is time to look at why you always say yes. Is it out of obligation? Obligation stems from fear, not love. When you do something from a place of love, the energy is light, happy, joyful and intentional. So, if you are saying yes because you feel you should, you are only harming yourself … And oftentimes setting yourself up for expectation, not always intentionally, that they now owe you too. That might not be your intention, but it is often what happens.
It is time to say no to those things that you take on because you “should” and instead replace them with time spent on your desires and dreams … YOURS!! It’s time to learn to say no from a place of love. It can be done.
So, how do you say no?
Here are some things to keep in mind~
No. It is a complete sentence.
You DO NOT need to explain yourself. I repeat, you DO NOT need to explain yourself. However, depending on the person and the situation you may want to explain, VERY briefly, why you’re saying no. But be mindful to not over-explain or explain all the details to try to get them to understand. It’s tacky, and more importantly, shows your insecurity in saying no.
Here are a few examples of ways to say no, without explanation. You see if you explain, it opens the door for them to then give you other options, or push their wants onto you. So, a better way to handle it is to be direct, from a loving and kind heart, and say something like:
- “I’m not available this time, thanks for asking.”
- “It’s not really my thing.”
- “I’m flattered that you asked, but for personal reasons I’m not in a situation where I can take this on.
- “That won’t work for me right now — but I’ll get back to you if anything changes.”
- “I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I’ve just got too much on my plate right now.”
- “I wish I could, but as a rule, I don’t … (lend money out, volunteer my time, host parties, work overtime, etc)
- “I am very focused on my goals and dreams right now. I know you understand how that is. Best of luck though.”
Choose how you want to create your life experience and stick with it. If you are clear on your “why”, then saying “no” to people will get easier. It’s your dream, or their dream. I know that sounds harsh; but really my friend, how much of your life have you spent supporting someone else’s dream … and then resented the fact that you aren’t living yours? Its time to get real here. Where do you want to put your attention? If their dream is part of your dream, great, say yes. But it’s those things you dread, lie about to get out of, beat yourself up over that we are talking about. How much energy do you lose? How much of your own life force energy do you lose by saying yes to something you don’t want to do … or feel obligated to do? I bet it’s a lot. Remember, obligation is not love, it is fear.
So, if you have said yes to things, out of fear … it is time to clean some of that up. Since you are the one that signed up for it, you need to face it and take some action now. That might be talking to the people that you have agreed to spend your energy with and tell them you have had a change in heart. It might be to finish up your obligations, knowing that they are teaching you to not do that again. And, it might simply be time to have the awareness within yourself … and make healthier choices for YOU … in the future.
Today, make a pledge to yourself that you will feel into other people’s requests before reacting and saying yes out of obligation. You will ask within to see if it feels right and make a decision based on love, not fear. Are you ready? You can do this my friend. I KNOW you can!!!
It’s not easy … but man, is it worth it!!!!!!!!!!
All my love – Sunny Dawn Johnston ♥ PS: Click here to get a PDF download of How to Say No!
PS: I’d love to hear what steps you are going to take to say NO more often, clean up your no’s or just what awareness you have about saying no. Please share in the comments below … and if you liked this blog, hit share and spread the love …
Here are some great reminder images for you too!