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Finding presence in the pain

This moment, right now, is what we have. Being present hasn’t always come easy for me, but with much practice, I have found it to be my safe place and a true blessing. I’m not perfect at it, but I am getting better and better.
Presence, in this moment… helps release fear, pain and heartache. 
In this moment, 5:22 am, I am concerned for my son Crew and the heartbreak he is feeling with the loss of his best friend, Algene Cole lll. He has had a lot of loss over the past 5 weeks and my momma heart feels his pain. In this moment, I am honoring the feelings, as a mom, that are moving through me as I witness my son, and his friends in such deep pain and sadness..
Over the course of the next 4 hours, I will likely be in protective mom mode. Making sure my baby is ok. Holding his hand and talking with him through his challenging moments as well. I will also be honoring the feelings that come up within me as well. The feeling that there is nothing I can do, as a mom, but be a loving witness to my sons pain. That part sucks. It simply sucks.
As a medium, I know that Algene is A-ok. No doubt whatsoever. He hasn’t stopped by for a visit yet, but I know he will. It’s of course, those left behind. His family that relied on him so much, his friends that love him so dearly, his co-workers and colleagues. It’s their heartbreak that I feel.
And yet, I know that it is not mine to feel. Not mine to take on, but in this moment.. that is where I am.
HOWEVER… In four hours, I will be in that present moment.
I will be in a personal retreat with a beautiful soul that traveled quite a distance to be with me. This woman inspires me tremendously. These retreats are a time where the focus is directly on the needs of the client, in all ways and on all levels. It is a gift to me that today, in a few hours, I will be in a new present moment and that I can choose to direct my energy there. I can be present for my client, to her needs, and show up in the way that is for the highest good of us both. I believe that today, I NEED to be of service. That is what is best for me. Spirit knows!!! I am grateful that Spirit has taught me presence… in the moment… so that I can be of service!
It has been some of the hardest lessons to learn for me. Presence. Yet, as I walk this journey, I see the power and the value more and more. When I was writing my book, The Love Never Ends, spirit said to me: “You cannot focus on their absence, and feel their presence.” It doesn’t always feel like we have a choice… and yet, we do. When we focus on their presence, we can truly feel their presence yet when we focus on their absence, we feel more absence.
What I know for sure is that the only way to walk this journey of life is in present moment. I have known this truth, but it seems to be one that is needing to be truly paid attention to… Always. I also know that it is important to remember to:

  • Enjoy each and every moment.
  • Breathe life in.
  • Love those you are with.
  • Create great memories.
  • Have fun.
  • You only truly have THIS moment.
  • Shine you light.
  • Let love in.
  • Life is a journey, not a destination.

I am grateful to know that THE LOVE NEVER ENDS… I KNOW this through and through. It brings me peace, hope and keeps me connected to this moment. Algene will live on in our hearts and memories. His love will be felt by his friends and family in ways that don’t yet know or understand.
So, for right now, in this moment, I am going to spend some time with my husband, who is also feeling the sadness and loss. As you know, it comes in waves… and we are all going to sail through this… together.
– Sunny Dawn Johnston

22 thoughts on “Finding presence in the pain”

  1. Vicki Martinelli

    I’m just reading this & in tears. As a mom, it’s so hard to see our babies go thru this pain of grieving. I Thankyou for writing this because as a Mom there’s not many places we can go with our emotions & feel a safe haven. Blessings to you & your family. Especially Crew for his loss. & to Algene & his family .Love & hugs xxxooo your words are beautifully spoken❤️❤️❤️.

  2. So very sorry for this loss of someone dear to Crew. It is hard when this happens, and hopefully a good transition is taking place. My best to Crew, and to you, Sunny.

  3. I love reading your words. You touch my heart and inspire me time and time again. My heart goes out to Crew and your family. I am deeply saddened to hear the news of this tragic loss.

  4. Sunny thank you for sharing this reminder.of Presence. so sorry for the loss of your son’s friend… Sending love to all.

  5. Hi Sunny, I work with Crew and Al, who thank goodness I was able to see him just yesterday. So very sad he was so young and had so much life to live, I am personally shocked. As a mother with an adult son, I can only imagine your pain, as a friend to these 2 fine young men, I’m at a loss for words. I do believe now knowing your a medium, that you will help Crew get thru the human pain of this tragic loss but feel better knowing you will keep them both connected spiritually. Peace be with you, Crew & Al’s family. KDR.

  6. So well said Sunny. You are an amazing teacher for us all Sunny. Thank you for sharing your insights with us. I really welcomed and found comfort in this post. I did not know your son’s friend but I could feel such heavy energy being experienced and have been feeling deep sadness for you, crew and the others. I appreciate your words of wisdom and sharing with us during your vulnerable and painful moments. Sending you love.

  7. Sunny, thanks so much for sharing. Really is a perfect reminder. Love and Light always Sunny ❤️❤️❤️

  8. The love radiating out while reading this beautiful piece left me in tears. I’ve been thinking of you, your son and his friend since I read your post. Beautiful words, Sunny. I’ll be sending all of you love. Be well.

    1. so true dear Aly.. the love was palpable.. we can send Al, his family and Crew and Sunny and the family lots of love.. that is how we HELP.. LOVE.. love is always the answer

  9. I have not been able to stop thinking about Algene and Crew’s pain since I read this last night. I have found myself in tears thinking about just how fragile and precious life is-and that in a split second everything can change. Thank you Sunny for expressing this so beautifully and thoughtfully-Sending much Love and Prayer to Algene’s family- to Crew and your family-and to all touched by his untimely passing.

  10. I have not been able to stop thinking about Algene and Crew’s pain since I read about it last night. I have found myself in tears several times-and thinking about just how precious every minute is -and that in a blink of an eye-everything can change. How important it is to be present in the moment. Thank you Sunny for expressing this so thoughtfully and beautifully. Sending Love and Prayers to Algene’s family-to Crew and to all those touched by his untimely passing.

  11. Beautifully written Sunny, and thanks for sharing with all of us. All of us are connected in some way, shape or form, and although I didn’t know Crew’s friend personally, I can feel the sadness of many people’s hearts today! Prayers to his family and friends. Sending love and light to Crew and your family!

  12. Sunny…being present and ataying and loving in each moment and not choosing fear is so hard at times…i know that the hardest times to do that is with our children…i know that focusing on service will help you be grounded in the moment and your spiritual.beliefs which will help carry you through the grief..i am sending you love and a strong knowing that thw highest good is happening for everyone now….i am also sending crew your family and everyone whom loved crews beloved friend prayers of healing and love and compassion during this time…may thier souls let the emotion move thru them and feel the love and release the pain…i love you and i am here for you if need anything

  13. Really beautiful Sunny. You always have the best way to put things in perspective in the toughest of times. I woke up thinking about Algene this morning and the loved ones he left behind. Please continue to let us know how we can serve. Crew is welcome in San Diego any time:) xo

  14. Sometime after my Moms passing, when small amounts of light started coming in, I started to feel like I was okay but I wasn’t okay and that was okay. It was a huge relief to feel this way because it was better than what I was feeling before. After that came, I am more than okay! I pray for the 3 okay’s for you and everyone that was and is touched by this Soul. And I pray lastly the final 1 okay comes that says, “I am more than okay!”

  15. Touching! Very Touching!! Nothing worse than seeing your kids in pain. Through sharing, you help us all to grow and learn! Love you and your family. If Crew need to get away he still has a gift certificate to use in Wyoming. Much Love <3 <3 <3

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