A life changing day - A mom's perspective - Sunny Dawn Johnston

A life changing day – A mom's perspective

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Today is quite a day. As I sit in presence, I feel my heart strings being pulled. I know I am not alone so I thought I would share where I am sitting… right now.
I have two sons… in two very different places in life. Of course they are, they are individuals. They are 7½ years apart. They are different personalities, different life journeys and they are both walking around with a piece of my heart in their bodies… it’s always kinda felt that way anyway.
One son, my oldest, my first, my teacher, my love. My heart aches for him in the pain he will walk tonight and tomorrow as well lay to rest his friend Algene. The pain he has walked through this summer. The loss that he has felt through the cancellation of his wedding, the sudden death of Algene and the change happening all around him is heartbreaking. My spirit KNOWS that he is strong, and whole and capable of seeing and feeling through the pain. That he has the tools to move through it with grace and ease and love and joy and support. That he will expand in ways that his soul is crying out for. My Spirit KNOWS this. My SPIRIT trusts his journey. It’s this damn head of mine, which I try not to engage with too much… that worries. It worries about my baby, my oldest, my firstborn. It simply worries about how much one young man can handle. My heart feels the tug with every tear he cries. I step into it. I FEEL it. I breathe into it, I cry with him… and I release. And…my SPIRIT reminds me again to TRUST!
One son, my youngest, my last, my teacher, my light. My heart jumps with joy for the journey he is about to take.. moving into the dorm tomorrow. The joy that he has felt through a summer of connections, freedom and exploration and the change happening all around him is exciting. My SPIRIT knows that he is strong, and whole and capable, just like his older brother. It knows that he has the tools to create whatever journey he desires. It KNOWS that he will expand and grow in ways that his soul cries for as well. My SPIRIT trusts his journey. This head of mine even knows that to be true. It isn’t worried about my baby, my youngest, my last born. It simply knows he is right where he needs to be. It is simply in trust. My heart feels the tug however, with every step we take to prepare for tomorrow. I step into it. I FEEL it. I breathe into it. I cry.. and I release. And… my SPIRIT reminds me again to TRUST!
This weekend, my husband and I will experience some amazing contrast. Tonight, we will attend Algenes viewing as a family. We will be there to support his family, friends and of course our son.
Tomorrow morning, we will be taking our youngest son to college. We will move his stuff in, unpack and put it all away, and leave him to begin the next chapter of his life. One in his own space, with some new friends, new experiences and lots of new opportunity.
It’s a fine line ya know. Honoring the fact that they are ready to grow up and move out and create their amazing lives…and wanting to keep them home, with you… just a little longer.
If I could… would I keep him home forever? Luckily, my head and heart and spirit agree. “NO WAY!” Then my heart pops in… Maybe just a little longer though (That’s my momma heart again).
Hours later, we will witness our oldest son lay his best friend to rest. We will hold the space as he walks through his first close experience with death and as we feel our own sadness.
Again, it’s a fine line.
If I could.. would I take his pain away? My head says yes.. in a minute! My spirit says “no.. what right do you have to deny him of his journey”. Oh ya.. That’s right. This isn’t about me. And I return to my mantra that I have said thousands of times this week “I trust the process of the Universe”.
Hours later, my husband and I will return to a home that was once filled with LOTS of energy, noise and chaos. A home that once housed our two sons… and many others along the way. We will walk into a new journey together. I am certain we will shed some tears. Tears of love; tears of sadness; tears of concern; tears of joy and tears of hope. We will celebrate our love and the love we have for our sons, for each other, and for this amazing journey we have been blessed to walk. And I (not quite sure if he will  ) will again step into the FEELINGS. I will breathe into them and I will release. And…my SPIRIT will remind me again to TRUST the process.. always!!
I have two sons… in two NOT SO VERY different places in life actually. They are both faced with new opportunities to expand. To grow, to heal, to learn and to embrace all this life has to offer. They are both walking around with a piece of my heart in their bodies…
Yup…. it’s still feels that way.
And… as my teachers, they teach me to expand, and grow and heal and learn and to embrace all life has to offer. I will honor their teachings as I honor my own. I know contrast is for my highest good… and I breathe it in….
Here’s to life!!! May we LIVE it to the FULLEST in honor of Algene Cole III, Crew Dylan Johnston & Arizona Blue Johnston.
And… Thank you all for your love and prayers during this EXPANDING time – Sunny Dawn Johnston
 
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20 thoughts on “A life changing day – A mom's perspective”

  1. Thank you for this blog. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Thank you for allowing us to send love to Algene , Crew And your family. Thank you for showing us how to live with contrast connected to God. That’s the trust you speak of. Thank you for truly showing us what grace and ease is. Thank you for showing us and teaching us that it is possible to live support heal and grow through all life’s lessons with breathing. Breath is life. And I agree 100% with Kelli. The amazing strength you showed all of us with still conducting your Payson retreat and being able to show up is a quality I love and respect about you.

  2. To the parents and all who so loved Algene Cole III. My very heartfelt consolations to you who grieve your loss. You now know, truly , how very much you loved him with all your hearts. You will never forget. Bless you.

  3. What a beautiful story:) Thank you for the courage to share it. Sending you and your loved ones healing energy to ease the pain, happiness for new beginnings, and strength to continue to move forward on your paths.
    ♡♡♡♡
    Beth

  4. From Patti: Dearest Sunny…. Tears came when I read this. The Momma heart felt a surge along with yours. I needed to say something to let you know how well I Understand. The tears a mother sheds concerning her children would possibly quench her thirst for her lifetime. REJOICE! Your sons are both alive. They are moving forward on their path, are, I assume, in good health to walk that path, you will see them and put your arms around them and share wonderful family holidays with them, and the happy memories will override some of the sorrow you witness them overcome. That mother piece of your heart will comfort and still protect them in any way you can. Celebrate your youngest son’s entering the higher learning position that will hopefully assist him in this material world as well as the spiritual lessons they have learned through the upbringing they have experienced through their wonderful family, to face these new challenges of this temporary earthly stop. REJOICE! They are a text or a phone call away. I have only one of my two sons still with me. Since my youngest sons death from a terrible incurable disease two years ago now, that part of my heart that was with him has never been replaced, but with him in the arms of the Universal Creator. No holidays together. No hugs and cheek kisses. No part of him to touch, no grandchild, no sharing his many accomplishments in life. Yes, that Spiritual side of me agrees completely with all you expressed. Yes, so many times I feel him near me , assuring me that he is just wonderful now and wants me to stop crying. Be he is in spirit now, and I am not yet. I will be with him again. It’s the wait, and the emptiness that never goes away and the constantly reminding myself how grateful I am to have been chosen to bring him into this world and the joy I experienced being his mom for the years he was with is. always only a temporary fix. Nor counseling or anything anyone says replaces that small piece of that momma’s heart one iota, Sunny. Now……..you wonderful lady, teacher, and all that you are….surely you feel better already. REJOICE! Sending all my love and wishes for healing blessings for you and your family along with as strong a hug as I can muster up.. Love you.

  5. Sunny thank you for sharing your deep and intimate feelings with us. My heart aches with you, your family and family’s who lost their love ones. I am praying for you all that God himself and all of your legions of Angels surround you and hold you close, comfort you, bring you peace and all that is love! Much love, hugs and prayer to you Sunny♥

  6. Memories of all times shared as a family will unite and keep you all closer. Hard as it is, you are strong, your family is becoming stronger, and you are all a loving example for others. Sending more love your way on this special day. Big hug, Sunny.

  7. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your journey. I felt an ache in my heart as I read this. Thank you for reminding us to always look to Spirit. I will continue to sent thoughts and prayers to Crew, Algene’s family, Arizona, you and Brett. Sending love. Here’s to life!

  8. Beautifully written! Two seemingly different journeys that, in retrospect, are more similar than you would think. My heart breaks for your son who has experienced two significant losses in a short period of time! No one should lose their best friend at such a young age! Prayers to him and the family of his lost friend.

  9. What you wrote brought me to tears. Not bad tears but feeling what you feel as an Empath. Sunny I commend you for the love you have in your heart for all of those who surround you. I have a son who is 9 and a daughter who is 7 and they have changed my life in so many ways. My husband and I are both blessed. As a Mother, a Medium, an Empath, and a wife I am sending you, your husband, and your two boys many prayers.
    Many Blessings
    Alicia 🙂

  10. Vicki Martinelli

    I’m in tears Sunny and I have two sons. Thank you for taking the time out to share your feelings and that’s what I love about you! My sons, Matt 25 and Tommy who will be 23 on August 30th. A year ago, both sons were at ICU saying goodbye to their friend who was 18 and on life support from a ATV accident. The father asked my sons to be their as he was going to have the life support disconnected. I sat home sending healing energy to the family, AJ and my two sons. I remember texting my Tommy who reached out to me for guidance as AJ was passing. As their Mom, I was so very proud to see that both boys were there supporting the family and AJ with their love. Also, Tommy experienced the challenging breakup of a 2 1/2 year breakup resulting in betrayal and dishonesty of someone he loved. They also lost both of their grandmas one week apart and I’m amazed they handled it with ease and grace. Recently my boyfriend Artis on July 30, 2015, was involved in a motorcycle accident leaving him with a broken neck in 2 pieces and broken femur along with multiple barb wired cuts. I jump into motion and made all the choices for him while he was in ICU…faced a fear but I grew so much during the experience. Thank you again, for posting this because it touches my heart and I feel so much of my sons as I read your words. Sending you Sunny, Brett, Crew ,Arizona ,Algene Cole III and his family healing blessings, love and hugs during this time of expansion xxxooo

  11. Tears flowing as I read this…It’s tough being a mom and yet so rewarding to be able to share this life with them. My heart aches for what your family will be going thru this weekend. I will be thinking about all of you.

  12. Sunny, this brought me to tears reading. Thank you for all you teach me. I am still amazed how present you could be for us with this last weekend with all you had going on in with your family. Sending love to you and your family as you walk through all you will experience this weekend.

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